“...I swear to fuckin’ Christ, White was wearing that shirt a few days ago and I mean, those two are real fuckin’ chummy, like suspiciously fuckin’ chummy, you know what I mean man...?”

“Like Gilligan and the Skipper suspicious?” Pink asked blandly, staring off into the distance. Brown let out a huge cackle of laughter.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah...exactly...like maybe not as bad as Kirk and Spock suspicious but like...definitely getting there, y’know man, like they’re gettin’ there...”

“Hey fuck off, I fuckin’ love Star Trek, Kirk and Spock weren’t queer okay?...”

“Shit man, you are in serious denial if you don’t see the subtext between Kirk and Spock...”

“Fuck you, I watched that when I was a kid, your taking a giant shit on my motherfucking childhood here. Next thing you know it, you’ll be goin’ on about Big Bird sucking off Mr fuckin’ Snuffleupagus...”

“No man that’s Bert and Ernie...”

“Get fucked man, I don’t need those images in my head...”

Mr Brown had dissolved into a shaking, laughing fit, almost sliding off his stool and onto the stained and sticky floor.

“Makin’...makin’ me lose my...train of thought here...I was sayin’...White and Orange are totally fucking, like totally. I bet you my cut of the diamonds they’re goin’ at it like Kirk and fuckin’ Spock...”


Pink sent him a look like he was a pile of quivering dog shit on the floor.

“And your basing this on the fact that the kid was wearing a Hawaiian shirt one day?”

“You didn’t see it man, the motherfucker was drowning in that shirt and his hair was ruffled up like he’d just had the shit fucked out of him, right?”

“I don’t really want to think of what they get up to in their personal lives thank you...” he paused for a moment, as he finished the last of his drink before ordering another. His brow furrowed up in deep ponderous thought.

“Which one would be Spock and Kirk?”

Brown thought about it for a split second, before clicking his fingers and bursting into a fresh peal of nasally laughter.

“White’d be Kirk...Orange’d be Spock...fuck, that shit’s trippy!”

He started laughing like a duck with a stone stuck in it’s throat again.

“Yeah, White’d be Kirk for sure...but Spock’s smart though...”

“Yeah...but...but...Orange’s all quiet like, y’know, he’d be totally Spock....” he paused as if a light had suddenly shone down on him and God himself was talking down to him.

“Orange and White sounds like some kind’ve ice-cream, doesn’t it?”

What the hell was this asshole on? And why the fuck were they talking about this? God fucking dammit.

“Great, I feel like ice-cream now. Fuck you.”

“Let’s get fuckin’ ice-cream then,” Brown slurred, whipping his entire head around towards the door, sloshing his drink all over the floor in the process. Pink felt the alcohol turn his brain into a fine gluey puddle of mush.

“Sounds exciting,” he said sarcastically, trying to get up on wobbly feet, nearly crashing down onto the floor; “to whatever ice-cream store open at one in the morning we go...”

“Fuck yeah,” Brown slammed his fist against the bar in victory. “Let us commence immediastantly!”

He promptly tripped over two bar stools as he sloppily exited the premise.

Pink rolled his eyes, wondering why the hell he was always the one who had to put up with this fucking shit, as he sullenly followed behind him.